Road to recovery

Things I don’t do anymore
Don’t stay awake till gone past four
Don’t check my rings on Apple Watch
Don’t tighten my belt another notch
Don’t weigh myself morning and night
Don’t check to see if I’m a sight
Don’t stop myself on route to fridge
Don’t wear the clothes I know won’t fit
Don’t fuss so much about my hair
Don’t worry if people stop and stare
Don’t censor all my thoughts inside
Don’t tell anyone that I still cry
Don’t watch TV when I can’t sleep
Don’t make a plan that I won’t keep
Don’t know if I’m bored or is this cured
Don’t think about it anymore
Don’t stay awake till gone past four

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Lost soul

I’m waiting for you  at the top of the cliff, like I had a lifetime through

I’ve held my breath till I see you, as all lost souls do

Last time here I broke your heart when I’d asked you to set me free

You’d clung to me so tightly then, It really couldn’t be 

The wind had whistled round my ears and in my clothes it blew

But not hard enough to spare my soul when down the cliff I flew

We were meant to be together? I thought fate had it planned

You’d faltered at the last second, I couldn’t understand

Now 25 years later, on the cliff you stood,

Looking older than your forty years

Your life had not been good

You’ve come to reunite with me

for real, not in your dreams

To throw yourself off this same ledge the only way it seems

You hear my voice upon the wind, around your ears it seems to sing

My spirit self, willed to appear, my only chance to make you hear

That you were right to let me go, all those many years ago

You can stay and see it through, please live your life as if for two

Let me go… for good this time

mend your heart and clear your mind

As you promise me you’ll live your life, each and every day

You reach out to my very soul, once more in your grasp

Then we both move on forever

I’ve finally breathed my last

Train of thought

Don’t look at the time

the sheets are rucked and damp

I’m a carcass

a hot sticky unpleasant carcass

don’t check the time

turn over and go back to sleep

am I hungry

maybe it’s nearly morning

beach tomorrow a nice day out

but only if I can sleep now

this pillow is so hot

where’s the cat

I hope he doesn’t wake me up

when I drift back off to sleep,

the weather was so nice today

looking forward to our day out

is today’s weather nice

or will it be cloudy

shall I look

no don’t look

 shall I go for a pee

I could check the cat

he’s definitely not in here

I can’t hear him breathing  at all

what if he’s dead

what will I do without him

won’t be able to go out

we’ll both be too upset

why is it so hot

open the window

why has he not come to bed

has he eaten a plant

is he sick

if we don’t get out tomorrow

the weather might not

be good again for weeks

if I lie here awake till 5

then fall asleep again

I’ll be too tired

for any fun tomorrow

our only day out this year

and I’m ruining it by being awake

what’s wrong with me

do I have a fever

I haven’t got time to be sick

it’s so hot

I’m burned out

how many more years will I live

I could cry myself back to sleep…