Dissociation (Goodbye Colleen)

Have you ever had such a terrible time or situation that you wish it were happening to somebody else? or that you could sleep through it and everything would be okay when you awoke?

Well that’s what happened to me. The last eighteen months have been challenging to say the least with serious  family illness, hospital admissions for my loved ones, a difficult work situation that ultimately ended up in my resignation and a near breakdown that saw me prescribed medication to cope better with my lot, as my doctor said “who can you help, if you yourself are broken?

Well, we all survived and are thriving, my Mother is almost back to normal post cancer treatment,  minus three stone that she has always wanted to lose, She has a whole new wardrobe of pretty outfits now and is building up her strength slowly to get out and about more to wear them.

Mcfee is still working and managing to keep a roof over our heads despite his disability. He has been a fantastic support and I don’t know how I’d of managed without him to turn to.

I’ve come off my Sertaline tablets and almost three months off them I feel more like myself, I took them religiously at first, same time of day every day, for months then slowly I began to resent them, I felt like an important part of me had disappeared and I blamed the tablets, so I started to vary the times I took them and I soon started to feel dizzy and sick and a bit panicky and to be honest that’s when I realised how good they were, but I still wanted to get them out of my system.

During the time I was taking my meds, I changed so much of myself (whether it was deliberate or not I’m still unsure) My weight ballooned to start with,  I had an urge to perm my straight blond hair, then I put a red henna rinse on it, when I looked in the mirror I just didn’t recognise myself anymore and It seemed fitting as truly nothing was the same anymore!

Now I’m antidepressant free, am I depressed? NO…

I still have the challenges and the uncertainty that I had before, and I get upset easily by things that I see on the news but who doesn’t? 

I’ve put some bleach back in my hair (it didn’t turn green… Phew!!!) and I feel lighter, I feel like the old me is slowly returning.

I’m eternally grateful to the fat girl with the fuzzy Orange hair for taking those steps along side me during a really difficult journey but its time to wave goodbye now, maybe we will share a path again one day in the future but for now farewell Colleen…

lots of love Cate-Jayne xx

 

 

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Catastrophic, Colleen’s Diary, Part 13

Hi everyone,

Oh dear, Georgie the Cat is not at all happy with me today. 

Apparently it was bad enough that his lifelong enemy, Hetty Hoover had been hanging around for most of the day, instead of being securely impounded, in her cell next to the bathroom (for creating a noise nuisance and deliberate harassment against cats) but on his further inspection, the favourite hidey holes have been filled with boxes and suitcases and other unpleasant items!

 

To show his full  displeasure, instead of contentedly snoozing in his Ikea “cat basket” or streching out contentedly on the rug like he does every night without fail, he’s squeezed his rather large frame onto the tiny footstool and is currently clinging on for dear life, with one eye occasionally flicking open of course so he can see if I’ve noticed his disgust.

Poor Georgie 

~

On the plus side Mcfee has cleaned his TV (aquarium) so when he’s stopped sulking at least he’s got something  pretty to watch, if he ever gets over himself.

 


Our apartment is looking rather homely again now though. 

I’ve reinstated my seaside themed decor and it’s really quite uplifting… makes me long for long hot Summer days and trips out.

Todays weather has been rather gloomy and overcast so we stayed home, the Bluetits were quite active at the window feeder which was rather lovely to watch close up.

Tomorrow  (Monday) is a bank holiday in the Uk so that is almost a guarantee of rain, 😉 hopefully though. we will get out and stretch our legs somewhere. If not more housework  is on the cards.

A feature wall to display our favourite prints is the next thing on the to do list.

I do hope you all have a great week,

Colleen 

Away with the fairies, Colleen’s Diary, Part 12

Hello everyone, 

I’ve had a peaceful week of house cleaning, cupboard sorting and WORLD BUILDING. 

On our trip to the Island recently, I discovered something entirely  brand new to me. I hadn’t known it existed, it was almost  like a parallel universe.

We’d found ourselves drawn to a stunning shop window display containing…

FAIRIES

Yep, lots and lots of tiny fairies.

Some sitting on lichen covered logs, others appeared to be happily living in plant pots with an assortment of tiny friends and accessories. 

There were toad-stools, fairy doors, unicorns, magical smoking trees and shiny twinkling fairy caves!

“Mcfee and Me” wandered inside and I spent an absolute age choosing which of the tiny miniatures to take back home with us. 

Now, we don’t have a garden or backyard even, to make a ‘Proper” fairy garden in, but I figured I could rustle up a pretty plant pot similar to the ones I’d seen in the store.

That was my inspiration.

So a small plant pot with maybe a length  of  lichen covered log, a couple of toadstools, the unicorn, the little smoking tree the fairy door and of course the beautifully petite fairy  with a Ruby coloured gem stone (my birth month is July).

When we arrived back home though, I got a little caught up,

I looked on Pinterest, 

I Googled fairy house images,

I checked out blog posts,

I looked for even more Fairy accessories on Amazon…

I got confused for a few days with all the lovely fairy gardens that I could copy, some were shown hanging in ornate glass baubles others alongside live plants in pretty terrariums.

It was looking like it could turn out to be rather more expensive than I first imagined, then it dawned on me, I’ve already got lots of things to make fantasy worlds with right under my nose.

This is what I’ve ended up with, it’s not exactly what I had in mind when I bought the tiny little fairy but I think she likes it,

I love it!!!

It’s brought together all our little ornaments and seashells, along with old holiday souvenirs collected from over the years and photograph frames and re-purposed them into “themes”,

I’ve added fairy lights that I had lying around, as well as the grass rolls, to the fairy scene. 

I’d bought those a few weeks earlier thinking Georgie, my cat may like them, but he doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve “borrowed” them, 

And it seems that parallel universe that I thought I knew nothing about… I’m already in it!!!

Who knew 😉

I do hope you’ve all had a great week,  

Colleen